For One Weekend, I was the One Percent

I don't live the lush life. I never have. While I spend my money at times on frivolous things (travel and cupcakes), I can't just walk into a store and shop without thinking. When I go on vacation, I go during off times of the year and shop around for the best possible deal. I don't order room service or raid the mini bar. These things just aren't done, because I don't have the extra money to spend on the frivolous things. So imagine my shock at a weekend where I didn't have to want for anything. I lived the life of the one percent. And I loved every minute of it.

The weekend was very much needed. It was a small break in between the insanity-filled weeks of work. I left the office on Thursday night highly stressed out and ready for the pool. I also felt guilty about being gone for one day and not working the now-customary 70 hours a week. But all of the worried melted away after I boarded the plane. Well, for the most part...

The flight to Orlando was uneventful. A few magazines read, a few games played. Adele, Abby and I got off the plane and monorailed it to the main terminal where we met up with Todd. He walked us downstairs to where our private driver met us with our names listed on an iPad. And that was the start of the fabulousness.

The 1% #1 - We rode in an Escalade or some kind of luxury SUV. Normally, when I arrive in Orlando, I'm at the Alamo counter trying to get the cheapest car possible (Toyota Echo). This time, I was riding in style. We drove merrily along and soon enough, ended at the Ritz-Carlton. Check-in was easy. Especially when they said the fateful words, "Your bill will be taken care of by ####." You don't think I'm going to share all of my secrets, do you?? We had been told everything would be covered, but until someone decides NOT to take my credit card, you don't always believe it. And so the weekend begins.

The first stop was the room. And...man...why can't I have a room like this?? I loved the decor and the colors were great. I could have easily stayed in the room for two days and been a happy camper. Well...if my DVR would have also been available. But there was sunlight to be felt and a pool to sit by.

We quickly changed into our suits and slathered on the suntan lotion and went downstairs for pool-time.

The 1% #2 - I know food is served by the pool. I've just never had it served to me by the pool. Why?? Cause it costs money. Plus, I sit by the pool at my condo. And no one is serving me food there. But before the food was even ordered, we had someone set up our seats. This actually was a dude who followed us to our lounge chairs and set up towels and a lounge chair covering. Heh. There was a dude. Once we finished giggling over our luck, a waiter came by and we ordered our lunch. And a drink. Adele said, "Should we just buy a bottle of wine??" We didn't know how they would keep a bottle of wine cold, so we just got glasses. We should have bought a bottle. Then again...we didn't have to pay the bill...


The rule was established early on - for every glass of wine, we drink a glass of water. When Abby came along midway through lunch, she had to abide by the rule. The rule applied to everyone. And one person couldn't drink two or three glasses of wine by themselves. Not happening. Adele went with Prosecco. I decided on the Riesling. And what made me freak out midway through the first day was that I had taken a picture of the same bottle of wine...two years ago in Seattle (another ### trip - again, not giving up the super details). Eroica Riesling. It was good and went down smoooooooth. The "glass of water" rule was made for a reason. I didn't want to be "That Girl" on the trip.

Lunch arrived after the first glass of wine. Lunch was good. The pool was gorgeous. While I did worry about the splotchy burn, I didn't entirely care. I wanted to feel the warmth and sunshine. What I didn't entirely love was that Chicago was experiencing its own Summer weather. But I had a pool, so I win.

Glass of wine. Then water. Then wine. Then water. Then wine in the water (pool water). Around the third glass of wine, other people from the weekend started arriving. At a certain point, we knew we would have to leave. But not before we had a supermodel moment...

(ahhh...cameras...)

Back to the room, then dinner. We met a bunch of station people. Including one woman who before she even came over to talk to us, we could point to her and say, "You're a News Anchor!!" She just was so put together and had flawless skin. I was worried about my bra showing in the cleavage of my dress and probably had a pimple forming on my face. Again, the other half live better than I do...

By the end of the meal, the wine had been flowing. I expected we would just go back to the room, but we ended up cozying up near the bar and being chatty with the NSM's wife, who was amazing. She's the type of chick I'd like to be when I grow up. It was after midnight and we needed to sleep. There was a heavy spa day scheduled in the morning. Spaaaaaa...

The 1% #3 - The Spa. I don't spa. I can't afford to. I've become a massive fan of massages and go to my girl Michelle at Zano's. She gives me a good deal and I melt in her fingers. But Saturday, we had several procedures scheduled. But first, breakfast.

I want to go on record that I still think it was a good idea to wear the robes down to breakfast. There was a bit of mocking as everyone else seemed to be dressed. Why?!?!?! You're going to a spa!! Then the pool!! Why dress in something other than a robe?? So we ate breakfast in our robes, then went to the spa and changed into a different robe. First up, we had manicures and pedicures. This was my first pedicure since the foot surgery. And it was lovely. Just lovely. The glass of champagne was a nice touch.

Once we finished our mani-pedis, Adele and I went to the Spa Pool, where we were treated to lunch and a cabana. We didn't really hang in the cabana, cause the sun was out. Why do I not live in Orlando?? Cause I am not the 1%.

After lunch, we went back to the spa where we had massages and a facial. I ended up with a big burly dude. Which was perfect for me. Except that he was a little more forceful than I had expected. He asked how much pressure I'd like and I figured...medium?? Well...his medium and my medium are two different mediums. He wasn't as good as my Zano's girl. Bright side, my Zano's girl gave me a $10 discount when I told her that. So, yay!!

Once the facial was over, we went back to the Spa Pool, where a glass of wine and some flatbread was ordered. I dig the good life. But our pool time was nearly over as we went back to the room (in our robes!!) to get ready for dinner.

Dinner was at a barbecue place on property. We had a buffet dinner with dessert. I can't entirely remember what I ate other than it was a lot. The corn on the cob was being soaked in butter. How could I not eat a lot?? And as any Media Function goes, the wine flows. At a certain point, we gathered outside of the restaurant on the golf course and made jokes about Uranus. Because everyone is 12 at heart. And there was a lot of wine. Saturday night, we became BFF's with the General Manager's wife. Both the GM and his wife were fab people. Soon enough, the party moved back to the hotel's bar, where we watched a group of "single" guys and older women did a "mating routine." It was scary and unnecessary. Bring on the wine...

Our final day, we found breakfast and stopped at the pool for a few hours of sunlight before going home to Chicago.

I wanted to stay here forever. I could have stayed here forever. But I don't live this kind of life. I have to go back to work. And my free-ride is over. Sigh...until next time, 1% World...until next time...

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