Surgery. It's Happening. No, it's REALLY Happening!!

I had my wisdom teeth taken out when I was 14. I don't remember much from the ordeal. I remember when they knocked me out, I was crying because I was scared. I remember when I woke up, I was crying. I've been told that as I was in the recovery room, they kept asking me questions. I guess this was to make sure they didn't dig too far up into my brain.

Nurse - "What school do you go to??"

Me (crying) - "West..."

Mom - "No you don't. You go to East."

Me (crying) - "East..."

I remember being in the car, drooling blood all over my Les Miz sweatshirt (ahhh...the 90's). And then I remember not being able to eat and not being able to suck milkshakes through a straw. There was some talk about dry sockets that scared me to death. I didn't know what dry sockets were, but I could only imagine they would be bad. So I listened to the doctors. They know what they're talking about. I don't know anything.

I've managed to keep clear of scalpels in the last 22 years. Granted, this doesn't count the continual dental issues I've had since...forever. That's a whole different post entirely. And a story I'll share when I have to get another root canal (probably sooner rather than later). But other surgeries, not so much.

Until now. Or until Friday.

I had an appointment on Saturday to learn how to walk in crutches. The whole idea of the surgery didn't quite dawn on me until the crutches were actually under my arms. I mean, I knew I was going to have surgery. I knew my foot would be sliced open and some tinkering would be done (involving a screw. A screw!! Ewww...). I knew I would be off my foot for a week. But I didn't realize that I couldn't walk.

"Lead with the crutches."

The Physical Therapist put the crutches under my arms and said, "Go ahead and walk." I don't know why I thought it would be easy. First off, my balance was way off. Then my wrists started to hurt. So did the palms of my hands. This happened about one minute after I started "walking" with the crutches. I knew right then and there that I was screwed. I was going to have a non-weight-bearing foot from the time I leave the surgery (can't imagine at this point how that's going to work) until...whenever. So no pressure can exist on the foot. None.

I had to ask the question, "What about when you go to the bathroom??" (answer...keep your crutches with you and use them to propel yourself up). The PT asked about stairs. There aren't many of them that I have to maneuver, but now I know how to get up and down those two steps. And then the PT asked, "Are you planning on driving??" I think that's when it really, truly hit me.

I'm having surgery.

Then I thought...

I'm having surgery. On Friday. FRIDAY!! Less than a week away, Friday!! Anyone have a paper bag I can breathe into??

The first week, I'm supposed to be completely off my foot. After that, I know I have to wear a boot, but I don't know how long the crutches will need to last. Now I'm doing things and thinking how it's going to be different with crutches.

Laundry - Awful
Target - Impossible
Cooking - Not happening
Getting on the Train - Ugh. Just Ugh...
Cleaning - Well...I don't like to clean normally. But the floors will HAVE to be clean, cause clutter plus crutches equals badness. Or at least me falling down.

Oh, and getting in and out of my car?? Damn near impossible. Good Lord, I could not have a worse car for crutches. This is going to be an adventure...


  1. But, you do get a great ab workout while on crutches. AND you get to drive around Target in a little cart thing. If I remember correctly, the carts even beep when they back up. Fun!



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